Do You Fit In A Box?

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Have you ever felt like you just don't fit in? Wondered where your place is in this world? Like you are just a bit different than everyone else around you? It could be that you have different interests, values, physical traits, emotional/mental traits or even outlooks on life.

People like to feel like we understand. We like to observe, categorize, group, sort and create "boxes" or categories to identify the "average" scenarios. Where there are things that don't fall inside these boxes, they are viewed as strange or abnormal. In society, we have created a lot of "boxes"...general expectations of what is "right" and "normal". The problem with this is that not everything fits into those boxes or categories. There are always going to be "anomalies"...perfectly imperfect people who dare to be different!

I am an "anomaly"; I don't fit in most of society's boxes, rarely have and it is likely that I rarely will. Over the years, I've come to realize that it's ok because it feels right in my heart. Can you relate?

• I tried to be "my hubby's woman" - I recall turning 18 and being told that I should get in the kitchen to learn how to cook and be a good woman…I nearly fell over; this was foreign to me. I tried sitting inside with the girls drinking coffee, chatting and watching the boys as they played, laughed and did things outside; doing the things that I loved most - spending time in the garage, playing on the snowmobiles and quads. Sitting on the sidelines was SO not what I was about. I was like that little kid with their face squished up against the glass wishing I could come out to play.
• I tried to be the office person who did my best at a job that didn't bring me satisfaction, but brought in an income. I can assure you that life is way too short to spend that many hours per day not doing something that you love.
  I never felt the strong need to get married…even though I did after 12 years together with my husband. But I certainly never felt the need to do it right when we got together like so many people pushed us to do. In fact, the harder they pushed, the harder I resisted.
• I never felt the strong tug at my soul/desire to have children of my own. Don’t get me wrong, I adore children, but for SO many reasons, I’m not interested in procreating. Again, the harder people pushed, the more I resisted.
• I never felt right settling into the typical "woman's role" where I would be in the kitchen, raising kids, etc. I have short hair, am a bit of a tomboy - you may be thinking "this woman must be lesbian". I'm not, but I am me and I am content with me.
  • Let me be clear: If you are happy in a more "traditional woman role" in your life, then that is awesome and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I applaud and respect you for the hard work you do and the great job! It's simply not who I am; my husband can attest that I'm a bit of a disaster in the kitchen and we have divided up the garage space so that we can both be happy. I was raised on a farm where I spent most of my days with my Dad or my sister as my Mom worked shifts. This meant that the majority of my childhood was spent in the garage/shop, on the farm equipment, running around our property on our quad, playing outside and enjoying nature. I baked a bit, that was it.

Does that mean that I don't love spending time with my girlfriends catching up over coffee? 

Absolutely not; I adore catching up with my girlfriends. To correct the imbalance in my life, I allowed myself to do the things that my soul was screaming out for. I went out quadding even if other girls weren't. On a great snow-day, there was no way I was staying in; I headed out on my snowmobile or played a game of pond hockey even if I wasn't very good. I found a way to honour me by doing the things that I wanted and still make fun time with my friends who weren't into those things. The awesome side-effect was that this inspired many of my girlfriends to try things that they wouldn't have otherwise.  

Here is what I learned by simply allowing me to be me:

People were more drawn to me when I was doing the things I loved and felt happy. Many of my girlfriends started to get the courage up to get in touch with their inner tomboy and give the things that I loved so much a try! It was an incredible shift; win-win!

Here is what I am meant to and want to do:

• Help good people who need it most
• Share my love and support; I have a huge heart with lots to go around
• Let my creativity be free
• Recharge my batteries with adventures, laughter and play-time

Here is who I am at my core:

• I'm anything but traditional - the statement "we do this because that is just what people have always done " has never been good enough for me. “But why”? I always questionned why we HAD to get married, why we then had to buy a house and have kids (and stand barefoot in the kitchen with a baby on our hips) while the husband's enjoyed life, relaxed, laughed and had fun.
• I’m a tomboy at heart.
• I care deeply about the people in my life and want to help.
• I'm not great at sitting on the sidelines watching...I'm a do-er!
• I love adventure, experiencing life and learning new things.
• I'm an introvert at heart - to recharge my batteries, I need time off by myself.
• I'm a creative at heart - I love to lock myself in my garage with my latest project (cheekygopher.ca), crank the tunes and dance.
• My mantra is "Work hard and play hard"

Ignoring the things that your souls is craving may result in you feeling trapped and miserable in your circumstances.

The things that your soul longs for don't want to be ignored and they tend to scream when restricted. These are things that are part of your unique footprint. It would be a shame if the world didn't get the chance to experience the real, beautiful you that is trapped inside.

So let's forget this "box" nonsense and find you again!

#1 - Who are you?

• How would you describe your personality?
• What do you value in life?
• If an admirer was to describe you as a whole, what would that look like?

#2 - What do you want to do in life?

• What are you no longer doing that you used to LOVE to do?
• What are you doing today that doesn’t feel true to your heart?
• What is your inner child screaming for you to allow yourself to do again?
• Another way to look at this - what would you like more of in your life; what would you like less of in your life?

#3 - Wear "you" proudly! Do one thing that makes you happy today.

This world wants you to shine your magnificent, beautiful, unique light. Shine on baby!